How do you keep it together?
When the shit rains down, hits the fan, comes to call, catches up, and smacks you like a shovel in the face, day after day?
I’ve been good at keeping up and mopping up all my life – as the oldest child, the wife-behind-the-man, the mother, the urban teacher/school administrator, the volunteer, the self-directed, reliable, steadfast, no-panic, get-it-done, sarcastic, tough W.O.M.A.N. I thought if I got all of my children to adulthood safely…job well done. My sons made it. My only daughter is an adult…and there’s nothing safe about it. This beautiful, delicate creature is also a bi-polar heroin addict, and has been dancing with the devil for her ten adult years.
As much as her life is hell on earth, mine is close behind; I believe I have developed a monumental case of tharn. You know, tharn, like the Watership Down rabbits, or a deer, frozen in the barreling headlights. Tharn does not fit in my vitae, yet somehow I’ve found my tipping point out of confident, capable, and intrepid into guilt, exhaustion, and fear.
Elizabeth Taylor and my Non would tell me “You just do it – giving up is not an option”. Some days I cry, some days (okay most days) I curse, but so far I’m kicking myself in the ass hard enough to keep it together.
So today, this. It’s still life. Suck it up, buttercup.