losing it

I’m stressed, you’re stressed, we’re all stressed.  Our stress has stress.For the longest time, it’s how I knew I was alive, how I knew I was tough, and why I took happy pills.  Recently when my counselor (I went back for a tune up after a 15 year break) firmly corrected my self-diagnosis from stress to trauma, it explained a lot.

My first thought was denial – so many people I know are worse off.  My second thought was that physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I’m overwhelmed and lost and sick.   The camel’s back is broken – I’ve just kept trying to ride it anyway.  All of the major  tragedies of my life have decided to re-awaken and join the current situation to kick my ass.  To misquote Neil Young – I’m painted in a dark, dark place, losing my soul on a long highway in my mind. My counselor is a tough, smart lady; she has some advice on finding peace again on the “spirit road”..we’ll see just how tough I am.